Wonderfully Terrible: Miami Connection

The story behind Miami Connection is fascinating. Originally made in 1987, the tae kwon do action flick was made on a shoestring budget on location in...Orlando, before getting a small theatrical release in Orlando, presumably lost to time after the fact. That is until 2012 when the infamous theater chain The Alamo Drafthouse purchased a print for less than a hundred dollars and asked to creators for permissions to show it. And thank goodness it did. So today, we're diving into the absurd insanity of Miami Connection.

Centered around a literal band who also happen to practice tae kwon do, the movie follows the group dubbed Dragon Sound as they attempt to earn gigs, write songs, and spread their message of peace and goodwill. But that might be more difficult than they think. Reason being, the group has accidentally run afoul of a local gang of ninjas that aren't above killing...

First and foremost, I need to thank the podcast How Did This Get Made?! for introducing me to this movie, because it is bananas. Some movies you watch as entertainment, some to invoke emotions, and some you watch because of how crazy they are. Miami Connection is definitely in the third category. I can barely describe what this eighty minute experience is like, so instead I'll point out my favorite bits of nonsense.

The Band

There are two full length musical performances in this movie with songs that are...memorable. The lyrics are complete cheesy nonsense with one of them being all about the values of the tae kwon do school that even lists of all of the evil deeds of our bad guys...before they meet them. The second song is literally about fighting and defeating ninjas, something the group will do in the third act. And in spite of all this stupidity surrounding the lyris. The songs are catchy as hell. One sounds like a lost Hall & Oates track while the other sounds like Pat Benetar a la "Love is a Battlefield." It's great.

Completely Unexpected Scenes

When your movie opens with a cocaine deal broken up by ninjas, that's a pretty high bar of ridiculousness to beat. And yet this movie does. Half of the scenes in this film serve no purpose. There's a beach cruising scene where the gang rides a convertible around. Does this give us any information or push the plot forward? Nope it's just our guys having a great time in the sun. How about a scene of a biker gang doing biker gang stuff that has no relation to the events of the movie? Perfect. Even scenes that start one way go in completely different directions. An awkward tae kwon do demonstration ends with a conversation about the band's world tour to lands of their fathers (Israel, Italty, and Korea). Another scene seems like a group hang out scene that ends with monologue that's supposed to be soul wrenching. It's a nonstop guessing game.

Random Martial Arts Action

At least twice in this movie our heroes at set upon by a gigantic gang of fellas in convertibles that blocks their convertible. What follows is super stagey martial arts fighting with some of the most unconventional moves and random bloody violence that feels more at home in a Quentin Tarantino Grindhouse interpretation. It also doesn't help that the main hero Mark is generously 5'4" and is fighting a bunch of muscular giants. Oh and that ninja gang I mentioned before? Don't worry they get involved in the nonsense finale which takes place in the jungle? The swamp? Who the hell knows.

Not Good But Fascinating

None of this movie is made well. It's shoddily shot, the tone is all over the place, the script is incomprehensible (you have no idea how hard it was to come up with a concise synopsis). Despite all of this, I couldn't stop watching. This movie is a gorgeous trainwreck that everyone should see.